The Top Five Albums of all Time!

Hey kids, today I’m going to tell you about the all time top five greatest albums ever released. This is not up for debate, as it has been scientifically proven beyond any reasonable doubt that these five albums (records, CD’s, downloads—whichever you prefer) are in fact the best ones that have been released thus far in recorded history. Your opinions may differ-this is America after all-but you’re wrong. So without any further ado, here we go!

1. “Self Titled” by the Stooges – I know, surely there’re some of you saying, “Ahemm, “Funhouse”? But you know what? The Stooges’ debut is unbeatable in terms of ridiculously catchy, but still heavy and raw tuneage. Check it:
No fun my babe no fun
No fun my babe no fun
No fun to hang around
Feeling that same old way
No fun to hang around
Freaked out for another day
No fun my babe no fun
No fun my babe no fun
No fun to be around
Walking by myself
No fun to be alone
In love with nobody else
Well maybe go out maybe stay home
maybe call Mom on the telephone
Well come on, well come on,
well come on..........
Ok, “We Will Fall” is a bit on the hippie dippy Doors wannabe side but we all make mistakes right? Freaked out indeed.

2. “Walk Among Us” by the Misfits – Holy crap what an album! Not one weak moment to speak of. Let’s start with the album cover and insert: Goddamn, how fucking cool are these guys? They really walk around in public looking like that? What are you going to do about it if you don’t like it? Now onto the songs—every single one of them gets in, does their job and gets the fuck out. I don’t know, maybe this one should be the all time number one (but I ain’t about to admit I was wrong so I’ll go ahead and leave the Stooges). Plus, back in the day when there weren’t that many ladies who were into this punk rock shit the gals always liked the Misfits--and Black Flag for some reason, that is until “Slip it in” came out anyway.

3. “Exile on Main Street” by the Rolling Stones – Not too many albums actually sound like the precise place, time and atmosphere they were recorded in, but this one most certainly does. Look at the pictures inside. You know the one where Mick and Keith are probably doing back ups and holding a bottle of booze and a can of beer? That’s what the record sounds like to me. It sounds like living in tax exile in France and massive debauchery with a slight dose of violence thrown in for good measure. Yes it does. Not to mention the fact that “Torn & Frayed” is probably up there in the top five SONGS ever written.

4. “Rock For Light” by the Bad Brains – A lot of people will probably try and tell you that the ROIR cassette (or most likely CD these days) is their best, but again, they’re wrong. The production is just too muddy. Look, I’m a lo-fi kind of guy but that one just really loses too much of the impact because of the primitive recording. Obviously it should go without saying that the songs are still great but they sound so much better on the Ric Ocasek produced RFL record. And the reggae on the ROIR album is really pretty bad, whereas on RFL they’re up there with any Scratch Perry record (in my humble opinion). If there were any justice in the world these guys would be as rich as Bon Jovi. But of course there is not.

5. “Self Titled” by the Clash – Now, in all honesty this same spot could just as easily be filled by the Ramones’ first LP, the NY Dolls’ first one, or maybe even the Sex Pistols’ debut, but I’m picking this one because this is the very first punk rock record I ever bought. It was the summer after 7th grade and I was looking for something new. I didn’t want to copy my brother and snag the Pistols record so I actually asked him for advice as to what I should get if I wanted to check out some punk other than the Pistols or the Ramones. For some reason (even though he didn’t even like them) he told me I should check out the Clash. That record blew my mind. It came with a bonus 7” of “Gates of the West” and “Groovy Times” and the whole thing was just unbelievably good. How are you going to have a bonus 7” in 2008?

So there you have it kids. If you’re missing any one of these gems go and get ‘em right now! Preferably if you have a record store nearby go and grab ‘em there but if not I officially give you my OK on downloading them. I would also like to add that if Hank Williams had ever made an actual album (as we define them to be) he most definitely would be here--though I'm not even going to try and figure out which of my other choices would go! But I mean, c'mon, Lovesick Blues, Ramblin' Man, I'm so Lonesome I could Cry? Some of the best American songs EVER written.